More About Emotional Sobriety
When we think of sobriety, we often think about stopping the use of alcohol or substances; however, emotional sobriety goes deeper that just not using. As I wrote in my previous post, emotional sobriety is the ability to handle any emotions that come up, good or bad, without turning to substances, unhealthy behaviors, or emotional extremes. It's about developing emotional balance, resilience, and self-awareness. When you have this skill, you can stay grounded and in a peaceful place, no matter what life might throw your way.
Originally coined by Bill Wilson, co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, emotional sobriety was seen as the next stage of recovery — learning to live fully and peacefully beyond just physical abstinence. It’s the practice of responding to life rather than reacting out of old emotional patterns or ways of thinking. And it is a practice!
How Do You Know If You Have Emotional Sobriety?
Emotional sobriety isn’t about being perfect or never feeling upset — it's about how you manage and respond to those feelings. Here are some signs that you are growing in emotional sobriety:
You accept life on life’s terms without always needing to control outcomes.
You can feel and process emotions like anger, sadness, fear, and joy without acting destructively.
You take responsibility for your feelings and actions instead of blaming others.
You are able to pause and reflect before reacting.
You recognize when you are triggered and have tools to self-regulate.
You no longer rely on substances, people, or external validation to "fix" your emotions.
You maintain healthy boundaries and prioritize self-care.
If you find that you are easily thrown off course by emotions, tend to overreact, or seek external things to soothe discomfort, it may be a sign that emotional sobriety is an area to grow in — and that's okay! This is a lifelong process and something that anyone can learn to do in recovery.
How Can You Develop Emotional Sobriety?
Building emotional sobriety takes practice, self-awareness, and patience. Here are a few ways to start:
Mindfulness and Meditation: Practicing mindfulness helps you observe emotions without being overwhelmed by them. Regular meditation can help you develop inner calm and perspective. Studies show that mindfulness reduces emotional reactivity and improves well-being (Greater Good Science Center).
Therapy and Support Groups: Working with a therapist or joining a recovery-focused group (like AA, NA, SHE Recovers, or other peer support) can help you process emotions in a healthy way. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) are especially helpful in managing emotions.
Self-Reflection: Journaling about your feelings, triggers, and responses helps you understand your emotional patterns and make conscious choices.
Healthy Coping Tools: Replace old behaviors with healthier coping strategies like exercise, creative outlets, breathing techniques, and connection with safe people.
Spiritual Connection: Many people in recovery find that connecting with a higher power, nature, or their own deeper sense of purpose helps anchor their emotions. Spiritual practices can offer comfort and perspective when emotions feel overwhelming.
Balance and Self-Care: Take care of your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Regular sleep, good nutrition, movement, and rest are all essential.
Emotional sobriety is about freedom — freedom from being controlled by emotions, freedom to live life fully, and freedom to be present in recovery. It’s an ongoing journey of learning how to be at peace within yourself, even when life gets hard. As Bill Wilson said, "The real problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind rather than in his body."
Whether you’re new to recovery or have years behind you, emotional sobriety can deepen your healing and help you thrive, not just survive.
If you're ready to work on emotional sobriety, considering downloading my free checklist!
Need more support? Let’s chat!
References
Greater Good Science Center. Five Ways Mindfulness Meditation Is Good for Your Health. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/five_ways_mindfulness_meditation_is_good_for_your_health
American Psychological Association. The Road to Resilience. https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience
Bill Wilson's letter on Emotional Sobriety. AA Grapevine Archives. https://www.aagrapevine.org/magazine/2003/sep/emotional-sobriety
National Institute on Drug Abuse. Behavioral Therapies for Drug Abuse and Addiction. https://nida.nih.gov/publications/drugfacts/treatment-approaches-drug-addiction
Tanya D. is a Usui/Holy Fire® III Karuna Reiki® Master, Pranic Healer, Meditation Instructor, Holistic Recovery Coach and SHE RECOVERS® Coach. Find her @thepeacewecrave on Facebook/Instagram and at www.thepeacewecrave.com for all things recovery, energy, meditation, healing, and peace. Contact her at tanyad@thepeacewecrave.com.